Till It's Gone

 Don't it always seem to go

That you don't know what you've got
Till it's gone
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot

How often is it that we take for granted what we have and don't give much appreciation for these seemingly little but enormously significant things?

Just because its always there, or just because it appears so frequently we tend to get sick of em', does not mean we do not need it at all.

While it might concern the bigger picture, my own experience about being grateful and not is much more personal than survival necessities.

Though we may subject gratefulness to things that keep us alive and well, such as forests, lakes, air and even light itself, my only concern for this post is to rant about what I have let go of and regret so bitterly.

Once we decide to let go of stuff, it tends to hit us back somewhat ironically in the near or never-ending future.

Being forced to stay in this place when my period in this hell has already expired is beginning to bore me to my very core. It is times like these that I wished I'd never applied here in the first place. But then again, I would miss out on a lot of things, good and bad, awesome and not-so-awesome, positive and negative, and many others that have impacted my life in a way which I can never be certain of it's goodness or badness.

I like this place. I like the people. I like my friends. 

BUT  I HATE THIS PERIOD OF TIME.

PERIOD.

Nah, it's just the heat of the moment. Being alone and having nothing awesome to do can be depressing. Although it is pretty much what I do on a daily basis here. 

Being grateful is also related to being content with what you have. And being content is one thing I will never be good at. Sadly, I am diagnosed with the disability of being able to stay satisfied with what I have.

I'm working on it, 24/7, 52 weeks, 365 days a year. 

Kinda failing though, and only seeing tiny glimpses of hope to ever recover.

I really miss the times when I was a kid.

I didn't really have that much of a desire.

Now, in my youth, desire can be a pain in the ass.

It is an unquenchable thirst for things that I (in my current state) will either have trouble with or is virtually impossible to acquire.

And then, by being the ungrateful dimwit I am, things that I already have, abstract and physical stuff, I throw them out the window for something more which usually does not come.

Ironically, these things come back and haunt me, making me feel the regret of choosing to abandon them.

All I can do to make myself feel better is the thought of something better that might come along as I walk forward.

Maybe, just MAYBE, this time, I will see the value in things, and be GRATEFUL, and not let them go.

Thank You